In Another Life
by DandelionsInTheWind
Summary: Harvey fails to reconcile with his family and, with Mike and Jessica having left him, after drinking a considerable amount of alcohol, he visits the one person left he can't afford to lose. (Season 6 Ep. 12 AU)


It was approaching midnight and by an old tradition Donna Paulsen, Legal Secretary at Pearson-Specter-Litt, was hosting a private ladies' night at her apartment. Amongst her most notable guests were a full-fledged home manicure set, the professional DIY Donna Paulsen beauty mask and home-made bath salts, featuring a top-secret ingredient, which could do wonders to your skin.

Some days, Donna was convinced she could earn a fortune with her beauty products and retire prematurely from her so-called legal career. However, this always seemed like such a boring prospect that she never gave it much thought.

Just as she was about to start applying the beauty mask on her face, a loud banging on the door to her apartment nearly made her drop the box with the creamy mask on the floor. She started pondering what to do, sincerely hoping that whoever was at her door would simply go away.

In seconds the banging repeated itself and made her jump in her coach again.

She dismissed calling the police. There was no time for that. The man on her front door could break its unreliable lock with a single kick and he was audibly short on patience.

In her fear-induced haste, Donna opted for doing something equally brave and foolish. She grabbed a heavy saucepan from her kitchen drawer, set the front door ajar and hid behind it, holding the saucepan in a ready position.

The man entered slowly, dragging his feet slightly, and looked around.

Just as Donna was about to hit him hard on the head, she recognized him.

"Harvey!"

The man turned in her direction, visibly uncertain in his steps.

"There you're! 'r you cooking?!" he exclaimed sluggishly in disbelief.

"No, I was about to smack you on the head with that saucepan!" Donna answered furiously.

"You were?" Harvey asked, intrigued. He took a step in the woman's direction, pulled her close to him, wrenched the saucepan from her grip and threw it on the ground.

"Why hit me, when we can do so much better things together?" he whispered in ear.

"Harvey!" she protested, while struggling to escape from him.

"Donna!" he exclaimed breathlessly, while leaning himself on her, after having wrapped his arms firmly around her.

"You are drunk!" she admonished, wondering just how long it would be before they both would fall to the ground. Harvey wasn't exactly light and Donna wasn't that much into sport, so that she would have no trouble supporting the full weight of a middle-aged, well-built man.

To her relief, he let her go after her comment.

"'f course I'm drunk! I'm totally wasted," he smirked, looking extraordinarily proud with himself.

"I'm getting you back to your condo," Donna stated firmly.

"Wearing this? I'm not letting anyone else see you in this gorgeous nightgown, but me."

"People other than you have already seen me in it," she countered undeterred, grabbing a long cloak and a scarf.

"Tell me their names and they'll be dead in a week."

Harvey's expression was deadly serious and sent chills running down his secretary's spine.

"Come on, Harvey, get out," Donna ordered, while looking for a suitable pair of shoes.

Her boss had never been good at following orders, though, and that night only served to solidify this.

He wrapped his hands around her waist, suddenly looking painfully vulnerable.

"I'm not going anywhere. You're my family. I'm staying here."

Donna frowned.

"That is not true, Harvey. You still have a chance to reconcile with your mother. Instead of getting drunk, you could have gotten your ass back to her home and made things right this time."

Pain and anger were reflected in his eyes, when he answered:

"Don't mention that woman to me. I don't have a mother. Nor a brother. But I have you."

He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Donna's neck, which made her heart rate quicken considerably. Doing her best to ignore this, she said what needed to be said.

"No, Harvey, you don't. We work together. We are friends. Nothing more. Just like Louis, Rachel and Gretchen are our colleagues and friends."

For a second, Harvey was dumbstruck.

"Louis? How can you compare our relationship to whatever relations I've got with him?"

"You and I may date further back and know each other much better, but, essentially, what both Louis and I are to you, is friends."

Harvey was shaking his head in denial.

"That's bullshit, Donna and you know it. Jessica was the closest thing I've had to a mother and she left. Mike was…" Harvey sighed and covered his face with a slightly trembling hand.

He took a breath and continued.

"He was my goddamn son and he left me. And you… You can't leave me, Donna. You are…"

"Stop! Don't say things you will regret saying, Harvey."

Donna's panic was audible in her tone.

"I love you."

His chestnut eyes were fixed on hers and he was caressing her face gently, as she was doing her best to appear composed.

"You're drunk," she managed to say in the end with an accusatory tone.

"Exactly. I always tell the truth, when I'm drunk."

"And in the morning, you always pretend you were too drunk to still remember what you said during the night. Or you just act like it didn't matter at all."

Harvey's face contorted in a painful grimace.

"Donna, look…"

"No, Harvey, that's enough. Get out of my apartment," she said in a clipped tone.

"No!" he shouted desperately and grabbed her shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere! You have to promise me. Promise me that you'll never leave me, no matter what. No matter how I act in the morning, no matter..."

"I can't give you such a promise, Harvey, I am sorry," she cut him off again.

"Donna!" he exclaimed, shaking her. "You can't do this to me. I can't function without you!"

"Let go of me!" she shouted with tears, welling in her eyes.

"Never!" he countered.

"Just get out, Harvey, or I swear you'll have my resignation on your desk first thing in the morning!"

"You want to leave me, too, I knew it! You can't do this to me, you can't, you can't…"

Harvey had relinquished his grip on Donna's shoulders and started pacing in a circle like a caged animal.

Out of a sudden, his breathing grew laboured and he staggered dangerously, nearly falling to the ground. He leaned on the wall for support and buried his face in his hands.

"Harvey, what's wrong?" Donna asked in a voice, rife with concern.

"Can't breathe," he managed to utter hoarsely and sank to the ground.

 _A panic attack!_ Donna thought with horror.

Having no idea what else to do and being unable to bear the sight of him gasping for air, she sat down in front of Harvey and embraced him.

"Calm down, Harvey, it's alright, I'm here, I am not leaving you, I will never leave you," she chanted reassuringly, rubbing his back in gentle circles.

Gradually, his breathing evened.

As Donna retreated slightly, Harvey looked at her with wide eyes. She gasped. They were expressing a single emotion – gut-wrenching fear.

"You promise? You really won't leave? Never?"

"Never," she nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek.

He wiped it away gently.

"I love you, Donna. Don't forget it."

Her heart skipped a beat. More tears flooded her eyes and started spilling down her cheeks.

She knew how much the memory of this night would hurt. She had tasted the same pain before. She remembered trying to patch her heart up and move on.

She would never forget the burning whiskey late at night and the excruciating headaches in the morning.

None of this succeeded in stopping her from admitting her feelings.

"I love you, too, Harvey. Always have."

And if nothing else, maybe the pain would be worthwhile, because the expression of pure joy on Harvey's face afterwards would remain forever engraved on her heart.

Out of the blue, he leaned forward and captured her lips in a needy, passionate kiss, the emotions it elicited threatening to banish all reason, left in the already shaken woman.

As they broke it to catch their breaths, Donna rose to her feet, helping Harvey up.

There she stood next to Harvey Specter, Harvard educated attorney, the best closer New York had ever seen, grinning foolishly like an excited schoolboy.

She couldn't help but grin in return.

"Come with me," she beckoned, grasping his hand and leading him to her bedroom.

Harvey sat down on the bed and was about to pull her down with him, when she escaped deftly.

"You got to give a girl a minute to prepare herself, Harvey," she said seductively and winked playfully.

Harvey's grin got even wider.

"Just don't take too long, darling."

Donna took her time in brushing her teeth, washing her face and applying a night crème on it. When she came back to her bedroom about half an hour later, her intoxicated boss was peacefully asleep, just like she had known he would. She covered him with a blanket and kissed his forehead.

 _In another life, Harvey, in another life…_

She aimed for the sofa, where she would have to spend the night given the circumstances.

XXXXXXXX

Harvey Specter woke up, swearing his head was about to explode. He looked around the room in confusion, before his memories started catching up with him.

 _Oh, no, what have I done…_

He removed the blanket, he was covered up with and sighed in relief at finding out that at least he was fully clothed.

 _It could have been worse_ , he noted.

As he got up slowly, rubbing his temples, his eyes focused on a male suit, hanging in Donna's opened closet.

A note was stuck on it.

"I will do what I can to cover you for the morning, but make sure you come to work as soon as possible. Don't you dare sleep in!"

Harvey laughed and in an instant, all his worries were forgotten.

Or not quite.

 _Crap, I've got an important meeting in less than an hour!_ he suddenly remembered and hurried for the bathroom, struggling to recall exactly what his client had said it would be about.

Meanwhile, behind her desk at Pearson-Specter-Litt Donna Paulsen wiped away a tear and put on a cheerful smile, because, no matter what, the show had to go on.

 _In another life, Harvey, in another life,_ she repeated, smiling at a photo of the two of them, before deleting it.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed the story - I'd appreciate any feedback, though, so feel free to criticize, be angry at me for the lack of a happy ending, etc. (also assess my writing skills - I'm currently working on improving them, which is why constructive criticism is most welcome).**


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